What to Wear in Chicago When the Temp Rises to Levels that Would Offend Kanye West
Summertime cookouts are the only reason to purposely stand for hours under a 90-degree sun. Last weekend, I dipped myself in a bathtub full of sunscreen and bravely faced the elements for the noble cause of ribs, friends, spades, and bid whist. It was completely worth it. Still, it was so hot that I arrived wearing an afro and left with a body wave. It was so hot that all the white people left as black people and all the black people left as raisins. I was sweating like a one-legged dancer at a Beyoncé concert. It was so hot that all the broccoli turned into bacon. It was hot is what I’m saying.
Until the weather decides to come down a level from Kanye offensive, I’ll be taking immediate action to keep cool and avoid heat stroke. My plan is simple. Step 1: Wear maxi dresses whenever and wherever possible. Step 2: Eat poké.
The first step comes with caveats. For example, the dress should obviously be made of cotton or some other natural fiber. Nothing good has ever come from donning yards of polyester on a warm day. Secondly, it is unlikely that the office will adjust its policy for the admittance of beachwear. So maybe be sure the dress has some structure to it. Perhaps, a cinched waist. Wide shoulder straps. An appropriate print. Maybe just ask for a week of telecommuting and avoid the office altogether.
This diet of breezy dresses and beach salad flows perfectly into festival season. Head-wreath optional. This week, Summerfest officially begins in Milwaukee and Mamby on the Beach here at home. Stay on top of festivals all summer long by subscribing to our free newsletter.
Second thought, nix the wreath.
Dress – Strut Boutique, 7210 Madison St, Forest Park, IL 60130
Phone: (708) 488-0430