5 Things We Should All Stop Doing Now that Derrick Rose is Headed to New York

Derrick Rose

When I first moved to Chicago, I lived in Berwyn. Commuting to my company’s Wacker Drive office took all of 55 minutes — in theory. I had two options every morning: Arrive an hour early to work via the Metra which stopped by my home every .856 hours or take a Pace Bus to the Blue Line and sleep-in an extra hour. Since sacrificing sleep for any reason other than childbirth is against my religion, I chose the latter option, for about a week. Within those 7 days I came to realize two things about Pace:

  1. It is always in route, due, coming.
  2. It is impossible to predict when any bus will actually arrive.

2b. Anyone who relies on it will end up homeless, penniless, and most definitely unemployed.

The Pace Bus is a perfect metaphor for Derrick Rose’s career in Chicago. Since 2008 (!!!), the city has put all of our eggs in the Rose basket only to have those eggs brake one by one. Of course by eggs I mean knees, ankles, and eye sockets. To Rose’s credit, he cannot will his body to be healthy any more than a commuter can will traffic to be fluid. In fact, if Rose could do anything to improve his game (or public persona) wouldn’t he do it for Chicago, his home? His team? The truth is, he is not the man to lead a franchise, any franchise. (That doesn’t mean you are, Jimmy.) Trusting him at the helm, any team would end homeless, penniless, and most definitely not in the finals.

Alas. No one knew when, but we all knew it was coming. According to The Vertical, Derrick Rose has been traded to the New York Knicks. By the way, my friend’s 6-year-old son put together a nice little roster on NBA 2K16 the other day. I’m sure he’d lend his talents to the Knicks if they’re interested. Also, in my imagination this is all blowback from Carmelo falsely courting the Bulls in ’11. We petty.

This saga has instilled in me a few life lessons I shall not soon forget. From now on, here are 10 things no one should do ever, no not ever, again.

5 Things We Should All Stop Doing Since Rose Was Acquired by the New York Knicks

  1. Stop spending time with that toxic friend you’ve known since grade school.

Rose’s tie to Chicago is one based on time and sentimentality. These have never been solid foundations for a relationship.

Yes, Tommy had your back when bullies tried to line you up in third grade. That was nice of Tommy. But what is Tommy doing with his life these days? Why does Tommy always need to borrow $20? Why can’t Tommy keep a job? Why does Tommy not own a suit? It might be time to stop returning Tommy’s calls.

  1. Stop thinking what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas — or any other city.

Rose’s public battle over sexual assault charges only made an already bitter pill harder to swallow for Bulls’ supporters.

In this age of social media, anything done anywhere is something done everywhere.

  1. Stop believing in glass ceilings.

Jimmy Butler saw a gap in leadership on Rose’s team, exploited it, and now it’s Jimmy Butler’s team. Say somethin’.

Hierarchies are rarely unshakable. Outshine not just your peers but also your superiors and with time you’ll be looking down from the top.

  1. Stop letting mom gas you up! Conviction does not always equal capability.

Despite public opinion, I truly believe there is nothing Rose loves more than basketball. Unfortunately, his body does not agree. Therefore, basketball may not be for him.

Family and friends will have us believing we can fly. I’m not saying all things aren’t possible, within reason. I’m just saying I have friends with Ph.D.’s who can’t find work. Meanwhile, Malachi Love-Robinson is out here opening practices. Draw your own conclusion.

  1. Stop believing that once on top means always on top.

Think about this sentence: Former MVPs Lebron James, Steph Curry, and Derrick Rose.

Crazy, right?

Similar to number 3, this rule is about ladders. After reaching a goal it’s important to create and strive for even bigger goals. Temporary success is not a pass to stagnancy.


Derrick’s young, black, and rich. He’ll be fine.