1. We rediscovered the creepy creepster that is John Travolta. He’s real creepy, ya’ll.
2. Jennifer Hudson made everyone cry jumbo tears. Just a river of tears. (#ChicagoStayWinning)
3. Common and John Legend made folks fall out from dehydration ‘cause of all the tears they conjured.
Glory billed the crowd in tears and people were taking out loans to pay it. Chris Pine and David Oyelowo will never be able to cry again. (#ChicagoStayWinning tho.)
4. Oprah upgraded this entire thing.
Without her, the Oscars are no different from the Razzies. Same stuff, different angle. (#ChicagoStayWinning all-day!)
5. Chicago’s Graham Moore begged, “Stay weird. Stay different, and then when it’s your turn and you are standing on this stage please pass the same message along.”
More…tears. (#ChicagoStayWinning forever and a day.)
6. Lady Gaga reminded us all why she’s famous. #TALENT
7. The dresses!
Seeing J.Lo on the red carpet made me choke on my own mediocrity. Chick stays flaw deficient! Lupita Nyong’O managed to stand tall while wearing everyone’s pearls and Viola glowed from the inside out. It was ocular caviar.
8. Selma won Best Picture.
9. Okay, no. It didn’t. Birdman won. Surprised?
Neither are we. Also, Michael Keaton and Jordan chew the same brand of gum. Tastes like steak and potatoes.
10. Sean Penn explained white privilege like only Sean Penn can.