It’s cold this week. Stupid cold. Stay indoors. It ain’t worth it – whatever it is. I slid and fell on a patch of ice and broke everything. My bum, my hips, my knees, my feelings – everything hurts. If this week’s forecast was a movie it’d be written and directed by Tyler Perry. If it was a song it’d be anything by Pitbull. If it was food it’d be raw kale over steamed rice. It’s terrible, disrespectful, and unnecessary. The weather in Chicago this week is The Worst. Still, there are a few things worse than a cold Chicago winter.
10 Things More Terrible than this Week’s Forecast
(in no particular order…)
- The Grammy Awards, any year
- Vaguely, I remember a year when Coldplay, Vanessa Carlton, a non-creepy John Mayer, and a relevant Ashanti performed. That year wasn’t terrible. That one year.
- Culottes.
- Fact: Anyone wearing culottes in their 20s will find themselves wearing mom jeans in their 30s. Culottes are a gateway drug. Don’t be a statistic.
- Kanye West x Adidas AW15
- I’ve said all I can say about this. Chicagoings reader EM makes a few valid points though, “First, I know those models are mad they have to wear that mess. How did he sell Adidas on this? How? Kim is sporting those rags like it’s the hotness. Nori is the only one that was REAL. Nori showed up and showed out at that so-called fashion show. This line gives me nightmares.” Check please.
- The Congress Plaza’s reputation
- Despite a once unending cycle of doorstep protests and demonstrations, the Congress Hotel remains a go-to lodging for unknowing attendees of Lolla and other tourists who are too lazy to utilize TripAdvisor. Desperately deserving a renovation, it’s proof that location is everything. In fact, it’s the only thing.
- The smell coming from that one seat on the Blue Line that’s by itself and tucked away in the corner. You know which seat I’m talking about.
- Also known as the Pervert’s Throne.
- Parking meter rates
- Rent or parking, rent or parking, rent or parking…
- Paying $5 to make a U-turn after accidentally entering the Skyway.
- Where did this highway entrance come from?!
- The Dan Ryan at 5 p.m.
- Why Audible was invented.
- An apology from Chris Brown
- Judges be trippin’.
- The Jackie Robinson West fallout
- The most messed up thing to ever happen in Chicago. Period.